The Permanent Smile
by TheWayOutIsThru
Summary: Regina Mills is a home care nurse given the task of caring for a manic, suicidal woman with some obvious (and not so obvious) scars. SWAN QUEEN AU WARNING- themes of suicide, self-harm, sexual abuse, and violence.


Permanent Smile Chapter 1

A/N- I'll be honest, I don't know what kind of plans I have for this story, I'm just going with the flow. I will try to update as soon as I can and I appreciate your feedback.

A/N- Story is VERY AU, no henry, no fairytale land, no snow white, etc.

WARNING!- this story is dark (at least in the beginning) and it contains themes of suicide, self harm, substance abuse, rape, and violence. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Silence is golden. Silence, in some cases, is necessary. Silence has weight to it, a weight that crushes your bones. Silence screams in your ear, reminding you that you have nothing to fill the void.

It is the silence that draws her.

It is the silence that tells her to run.

It is the silence that convinces her that the only way to escape, is to join. Because why not? There is no winning. You can't possibly win a gun fight when you are holding only hope.

Hope does not float. Hope escapes. Evades. Disappoints.

Perhaps, if she herself can remain silent, then the void will no longer exist. Maybe she can fade into back round. Maybe silence will not notice her, and leave her be.

She will overtake silence, become it.

There are no flaws in this plan, at least that's what she tells her self. The scissors are clean and sharp, built to cut through thick cuts of meat. Her phone is pre-dialed to 911 and she knows they will make it to her in less than five minutes. Her nerves are shot, but her had is steady. She will not waver, she won't fail.

She will live to tell the tale…or at least, she will live.

Walking slowly to the bathroom, she gives herself time to back out. Even though she knows that she won't, it's nice to have options. The bathtub is cold against her almost naked body, she figured that she would make things easy on the EMT and dress in only what was necessary. Her hands feel almost unattached from her body, moving on their own to grasp the scissors.

She waits, only for a moment. Maybe someone will come bursting through the door and beg her not to do it. They'll tell her that they love her and couldn't bare to lose her.

She rolls her eyes in response to her own thoughts. No one is coming, at least not to stop her.

One deep breath. Eyes closed. The scissors are open and she slides one edge into her mouth, and the other against her cheek. Funny. They don't feel sharp, will they even cut?

No going back. She hits the call button on her opened cellphone and can hear almost immediately the sound of a woman asking her if she is in distress.

She is not in distress, not anymore. The muscles in her hands move to close with purpose, hard and fast, unyielding. A sudden white light bursts from behind her eyes and there is a ringing in her ears. She leans her head back against the tub and immediately feels as though she is drowning from the inside out. Darkness is coming, she can feel it. One last glance down at her hand holding the scissors, coated in red. She knows now.

The scissors did cut.

Emma Swan is free.

SQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQSQ

Mr. Holland grunts. He doesn't have time for this, there are people that actually need a home care nurse. It's not his fault that Ms. Swan manages to chase away every single nurse that he sends to her. The woman can't mutter a word but she can make a grown person cry.

He is out of options….unless….

"No, absolutely not. I have heard horrible things about Ms. Swan and I won't waste my time or skill on some crotchety old woman who won't want me there in the first place."

"But, Regina…." Mr. Holland begins, "you are my last option. No one else can manage her….I'm at my wicks end!" He hates begging, especially when it involves him begging someone that he doesn't like. No one likes Regina Mills. God only knows why she became a home care nurse in the first place. She has yet to have one steady patient, they all claim that she is cold and clip. Mr. Holland would be daft to not agree. The only reason he has kept her on is because she follows policy to the letter, he has no grounds to fire her.

"This sounds like something that is not my problem" Regina states with finality. She moves to leave, this conversation was a complete waste of time.

"If you don't take this patient I will be forced to fire you, Regina." He says it with fake bravado. He isn't actually sure if he can fire a nurse for refusing a patient, but he hopes that Regina won't be able to call his bluff.

Regina turns quickly and allows her eyes to burn holes through her boss "you wouldn't dare". She is challenging him, and surprisingly he is not backing down. She can't decide if it's worth it. She really can't afford to lose another job, can't burn this bridge.

"Fine. I will take this patient. But I cannot help her if she doesn't want to be helped." She sighs internally. Even she cannot deny herself the truth, Mr. Holland has won this round.

"I'm so glad that we were able to come to an agreement!" he is full of himself, though he tries not to let his smile split his face…ironic.

"Ok then. Emma Swan, age 26. Spent two years in an institution after attempting to commit suicide by cutting her face. She was released on the condition that she be under the care of a doctor or nurse and continue her therapy sessions weekly."

Regina is somewhat confused. Every nurse that had spouted hatred for Ms. Swan made it sound as though the woman was old and grouchy. Twenty-six? The woman was barely six years younger than herself. Regina grabbed the file from Mr. Holland's thick hands and swept out of his office without a word.

Driving to Ms. Swan's house was quite the adventure. Her GPS could barely navigate her through the winding roads and thick forest that surrounded the small town of Storybrook Maine. Her brows furrowed when her GPS notified her that she had reached her destination.

A cabin? Really? It was large, possibly the size of a standard house. She could hardly imagine that someone lived there year round. The surrounding property was unkempt, over grown with vines and thick weeds. The windows were black, not tinted, it seemed as though someone smeared black paint over them.

Regina stood at the door for a moment. She thought about knocking, even though she had a key that had been placed in Ms. Swan's file. Shaking her head, she rid herself of any nervousness. This was just another patient. Just another person who needed laundry washed or food cooked. She could do this.

The cabin was dark, save it be for one light in the corner of what must be the living room. Regina couldn't tell. If the black paint on the windows was meant to prevent light from entering the house, it was certainly working. She couldn't see a thing.

She made a move towards the lamp, intending to sit on the couch next to it and…wait? Wait for what, she wasn't sure. She investigated the piece of furniture, making sure she wasn't sitting on something that would give her some sort of disease. She sat rigid, on the very edge of the couch and allowed her eyes to adjust to her surroundings.

She felt uneasy. Rightfully so. She was in a strange place, sitting in the dark, waiting for a woman who possibly wasn't even expecting her. Regina hadn't thought about that. Mr. Holland may not have evened called Ms. Swan to let her know that a nurse was coming. With that in mind, Regina moved to leave the cabin. She would go home and call Ms. Swan herself, and let the woman know that she would come tomorrow, allowing for the patient to prepare for the nurse's arrival.

Regina stepped onto the porch and squinted in the sun. She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a creaking sound from her left.

Gasping, Regina tried not to let her emotions play out on her face. She tried to remain calm, which was hard given the person that was now standing less than ten feet to her left.

A woman, about her height, blonde with green eyes that shone with fear and aggression. Immediately Regina noticed the thick scar that stemmed from the corner of the blonde woman's mouth and extended to her ear.

The woman had to be her patient.

The two women stood stock still for what seemed like ages. Regina gave in and opened her mouth to say…something…anything. Before she could get the words out, Ms. Swan shuffled past her and into the cabin.

Regina would have followed if she hadn't heard the distinct sound of locks being clicked into place behind the closed door. It sounded like multiple locks, Regina had one key.

Regina was fed up with this already. She opted to go back to Mr. Holland and get the rest of the keys (she hoped he had) and come back tomorrow equipped with a flashlight.

She would provide care to Ms. Swan even if it killed her. She didn't even know anything about the crazed blonde and she could already tell…

Ms. Swan was a royal pain in the ass.

TBC?...

NOTE- I don't have a beta and I suck at punctuation so I am very sorry about that.


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